5 Gentle Steps to Navigate Grief and Find Meaning in Loss
Grief doesn't follow a straight line. It crashes like waves—some days a ripple, others a storm that knocks you breathless. I've sat with clients who whisper, "When does this end?" after losing a partner, a child, a dream. And the quiet truth? It doesn't "end." But it changes. It softens into something you carry with grace, alongside meaning that honors what was lost.
Drawing from the wisdom that grief has five familiar waves—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—I've seen how gently riding them leads to a sixth: finding meaning. Not closure, but a way to live fuller because of the love that lingers. These 5 steps meet you in the mess, helping you move from survival to something sacred. They're for the early ache or the quiet years later—no timeline, just compassion.
1. Give Space to the Shock (Honor the Denial)
When the world feels unreal—like "This can't be happening"—don't fight it. Sit with a cup of tea, stare out the window, or say aloud: "I don't believe this yet, and that's okay."
Denial is your heart's pause button, protecting you until you're ready. Lean in for a moment; it buys time for the truth to unfold softly.
2. Let the Fire Burn (Welcome the Anger)
That raw "Why them? Why now?" rage? It's not betrayal—it's love with nowhere to go. Punch a pillow, scream into the wind, or journal: "I'm furious because I miss you so much."
Anger signals your boundaries were crossed by loss. Channel it into a walk or a call to a friend. It's fuel, not failure.
3. Release the "If Onlys" (Ease the Bargaining)
The endless loop—"If only I'd said yes to that trip" or "God, if you bring them back, I'll be better"—it's your mind bargaining for control. Pause and breathe: "I wish it were different, but here we are."
Write the "if only" on paper, then burn it safely. Bargaining fades when you accept what you can't rewrite, freeing space for what you can.
4. Hold the Sadness Softly (Walk Through Depression)
The heavy blanket of tears, isolation, or numbness? It's grief's deepest valley, where energy ebbs and questions echo. Wrap yourself in a blanket, listen to their favorite song, or simply cry without agenda.
Depression in grief isn't weakness—it's the soul mourning what mattered. One small act, like watering a plant they loved, reminds you: You're still here, tending life.
5. Weave in Meaning (The Lifelong Invitation)
Beyond acceptance lies meaning—not erasing the pain, but letting it coexist with purpose. Ask: "How can I live today in a way that echoes their light?" Plant a tree, share their story, or volunteer in their name.
Meaning grows in the ordinary: a laugh that surprises you, a memory that warms instead of stings. It's the sixth wave—gentle, ongoing, yours to shape.
When You’re Ready, I’m Here
These steps aren’t about rushing through grief—they’re about walking with it, at your own pace. Some days you’ll feel the light. Others, the weight. Both are part of the path.
If you’re wondering whether counseling might help—or just want to ask a few questions—I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation. This is your time to:
Share what you’re carrying
Ask anything on your mind
See if we’re a good fit
No commitment. Just clarity. In-person in Apple Valley or telehealth for Minnesota and Florida residents.
Schedule your free 15-minute call here
And if you’re not ready yet? That’s okay. You’re already showing up—and that’s enough.
With quiet strength,
Nicole Niedfeldt, LPCC
Awakened Path Counseling
P.S. You’re further along than you think.